7 tips when Talking to your child about your cancer diagnosis

An adult figure carrying a child on their shoulders.

When a parent is diagnosed with cancer, the most frequently asked question is "how do I share this news with my child(ren)?

In this blog post, I share my tips from having a productive and compassionate conversation with your child(ren).

Cancer is a difficult diagnosis to come to terms with, but it can be even harder to talk to your children about it. Whether they are young or older, telling your child(ren) you have cancer can be a challenging and emotional experience for both you and them. 

However, keeping them in the dark is not the best course of action. Children are curious and intuitive, and they need to know what's going on to feel safe and secure. With that said, here are some guidelines to consider when talking to your child(ren) about your cancer diagnosis in a warm, friendly tone. 

1. Set the tone and environment

Consider what would provide a warm and safe space for your child(ren). Each child is different, where one may prefer a car rider while another may prefer receiving the news at home. While every family situation is unique, the most important piece is that the child will feel comfortable sharing their emotions freely.

2. Be honest and straightforward

Children are perceptive, and they will know if you are not telling them the whole truth. Of course age range is something to consider. What you might tell a 4 year old is much different than a 12 year old. The amount of information you share should be appropriate to how much information each child can handle. 

I invite you to ask your child about their understanding of cancer or if they've heard the word before. Regardless of their answer, begin explaining what cancer is in simple terms, and then move onto your diagnosis. 

Consider telling them what kind of cancer you have, what the treatment options are, and what the potential outcomes might be. Allow your child(ren) to ask questions and answer them as honestly as possible.

3. Use age-appropriate language

Depending on your children's ages, you will need to adjust the language you use. For younger kids, you may need to use simpler langue and avoid technical terms. For older kids, you can go into more detail, but it is still important to use language they will understand. Try to avoid medical jargon. Be patient and take it one step at a time. 

4. Address their fears

It is common for children to worry that they might catch cancer from you or that you might die. Address these fears head-on by explaining the facts in a clear and caring way. It is also essential to reassure them that they will be taken care of, no matter what happens. If the children have access to technological devices and the Internet, try to avoid access to "Dr. Google."

Instead, let them know that if they have any questions, they can relay them to you for you to ask your doctor.

5. Empower them to help

One way to help children feel less helpless is to give them a sense of control. Depending on their age, you could allow them to help with simple tasks, such as cooking or cleaning, or involve them in making gifts or cards for your treatments. Giving them a role can help them feel like they are playing an active part in supporting you.

6. Seek additional support

Talk to your healthcare team or cancer support group about any resources available for children who have loved ones with cancer. These resources can help children understand cancer, reassure them that their feelings are normal and support them through this time.

7. Keep the conversation going

After you have told your child(ren) about your diagnosis, don't let the conversation drop. Check in with them regularly, ask them how they are feeling, how they are coping, and address any new concerns they might have. 

While this may all seem uncomfortable and difficult, talking to your child(ren) about your cancer diagnosis is an important step towards helping them cope with this challenging time. 

Rather than avoiding the conversation or hiding the truth, it is best to be truthful, use language they understand, and address their fears. Children are much more resilient than we think, and by being honest and creating a space for them to process their feelings, you are building trust for years to come. 

If you have any specific questions or would like to reach out to me for a 15min. complimentary consultation, please call to schedule an appointment.